THE DEEP FREEZE
I had one upsetting conversation with my Sister-In-Law Saturday morning. However, my poor Husband had several miscommunications between he and his Sister. Family disputes are complicated. Both sides have to be heard. Then, you have to pick which side, that you want to be on. No matter how neutral, that you claim that you are remaining. It will always happen. It has been rather difficult to put all of my husband's "mental cards" on the table to his Sister. He has shared his opinions on he and his Fahter's estrangement, with only me. He has wanted to keep his Sister, from getting in the middle of their problems. She has done very well, for the past two years in staying out of it. She claims that, my Husband and their Father are both rediculous. I guess you'd have to know the whole story to make that decision.
All of which, I'll spare you from having to listen to. In a nut shell, my Husband's parents were far from being ideal parents. They were selfish, emotionally unavailable, impatient, abrasive, crass, and narrow minded. Polar opposites of my Parents. My family my has it's problems at times; but nothing like my Husband's family. I think that his Parents, are in fact crazy. It makes you wonder what happened, to make them become the kind of people that they are. Not everyone had the ideal upbringing. Never-the-less, that does not give a person the right to, excuse yourself throuh life because of what happened to you as a child. My point is, just becasue you had an unhappy childhood, don't carry on that behavior into adulthood.
It is a similar situation, as of one who has been abused. It has been medically documented that, those tendencys have become a learned behavior. You treat others how, you have been treated. I'm not saying that, I know anything about my In-Law's childhood. Although, I would have to imagine that, they were not healthy ones. Their poor parenting is a reflection of that.
My Dad had no birth Father grwoing up, and his Mother worked out of state. He was raised primarily by his Grand Parents. Never-the-less, he managed to become a functional adult, husband, and parent. I guess that I have totally lost my point in all of this.
My Husband somehow smoothed things over, with his sister Saturday morning. We all put on our game face, as we headed for our nephews 16th Birthday party. I told my Husband how, this thing would play out prior to arriving. I explained in detail, how our treament of his Parents would be. I am fully schooled in the mistreatment of his Parents. Again, I've been through all of this before. I had to attend my Step-Nephew's last two Birthday partys, with only our kids in toe. My Husband decided to go to this party for a few reasons. The main reason being, it would completely annoy his parents to be in the same room with us. The other being, it was his Nephews 16th Birthday party. To hell with his parents. So what, if they were going to be there.
It played out exactly as I predicted. All we got was, dirty looks, nor comments from his parents. Actually, no conversation what- so- ever. He explained, "that's exactly how I wanted it." Don't say a word to me, and we'll be fine. We all survived somehow. His parents practically did skid marks, getting out of there shortly after we arrived. Our middle son, acknlowledged to me silently, when he heard that they we leaving. Like I'm deaf or something. He even did a small victory dance. Ok... I know how tacky that must have seemed. However, no one saw him. My Husband explained to me that, him acting like that towards his Parents was my fault. I tend to disagree. They have their own minds, ideas, and opinions. He has had the misfortune of, getting the brunt of their poor behavior. This is becasue, he is the Step-Grandson. He was the easiest for them to target.
Fortunately, he is unaware of all of their misconduct towards him. That's exactly how, I tend to keep it. As my Husband put it, "he's an innocent kid in all of this." Again, that's all so unfortunate for them. They will never know, how great of a kid he truly is. So... to all of the single people out there. Make sure that, you're significant other had no interactions with his parnts. Although, make sure that, he makes no bones about it. In other words, make sure that it doesn't bother him. It is so much easier not having In-Laws. Cath ya'll Coo Coo's later.
I had one upsetting conversation with my Sister-In-Law Saturday morning. However, my poor Husband had several miscommunications between he and his Sister. Family disputes are complicated. Both sides have to be heard. Then, you have to pick which side, that you want to be on. No matter how neutral, that you claim that you are remaining. It will always happen. It has been rather difficult to put all of my husband's "mental cards" on the table to his Sister. He has shared his opinions on he and his Fahter's estrangement, with only me. He has wanted to keep his Sister, from getting in the middle of their problems. She has done very well, for the past two years in staying out of it. She claims that, my Husband and their Father are both rediculous. I guess you'd have to know the whole story to make that decision.
All of which, I'll spare you from having to listen to. In a nut shell, my Husband's parents were far from being ideal parents. They were selfish, emotionally unavailable, impatient, abrasive, crass, and narrow minded. Polar opposites of my Parents. My family my has it's problems at times; but nothing like my Husband's family. I think that his Parents, are in fact crazy. It makes you wonder what happened, to make them become the kind of people that they are. Not everyone had the ideal upbringing. Never-the-less, that does not give a person the right to, excuse yourself throuh life because of what happened to you as a child. My point is, just becasue you had an unhappy childhood, don't carry on that behavior into adulthood.
It is a similar situation, as of one who has been abused. It has been medically documented that, those tendencys have become a learned behavior. You treat others how, you have been treated. I'm not saying that, I know anything about my In-Law's childhood. Although, I would have to imagine that, they were not healthy ones. Their poor parenting is a reflection of that.
My Dad had no birth Father grwoing up, and his Mother worked out of state. He was raised primarily by his Grand Parents. Never-the-less, he managed to become a functional adult, husband, and parent. I guess that I have totally lost my point in all of this.
My Husband somehow smoothed things over, with his sister Saturday morning. We all put on our game face, as we headed for our nephews 16th Birthday party. I told my Husband how, this thing would play out prior to arriving. I explained in detail, how our treament of his Parents would be. I am fully schooled in the mistreatment of his Parents. Again, I've been through all of this before. I had to attend my Step-Nephew's last two Birthday partys, with only our kids in toe. My Husband decided to go to this party for a few reasons. The main reason being, it would completely annoy his parents to be in the same room with us. The other being, it was his Nephews 16th Birthday party. To hell with his parents. So what, if they were going to be there.
It played out exactly as I predicted. All we got was, dirty looks, nor comments from his parents. Actually, no conversation what- so- ever. He explained, "that's exactly how I wanted it." Don't say a word to me, and we'll be fine. We all survived somehow. His parents practically did skid marks, getting out of there shortly after we arrived. Our middle son, acknlowledged to me silently, when he heard that they we leaving. Like I'm deaf or something. He even did a small victory dance. Ok... I know how tacky that must have seemed. However, no one saw him. My Husband explained to me that, him acting like that towards his Parents was my fault. I tend to disagree. They have their own minds, ideas, and opinions. He has had the misfortune of, getting the brunt of their poor behavior. This is becasue, he is the Step-Grandson. He was the easiest for them to target.
Fortunately, he is unaware of all of their misconduct towards him. That's exactly how, I tend to keep it. As my Husband put it, "he's an innocent kid in all of this." Again, that's all so unfortunate for them. They will never know, how great of a kid he truly is. So... to all of the single people out there. Make sure that, you're significant other had no interactions with his parnts. Although, make sure that, he makes no bones about it. In other words, make sure that it doesn't bother him. It is so much easier not having In-Laws. Cath ya'll Coo Coo's later.
posted by Beth Schofield | 5:12 AM
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